And off we go

Nov 11, 2014
Tomorrow I start chemotherapy – tomorrow my life changes dramatically – again – as do the lives of those closest to me – in particular Ross and my babies Abbey & Jack.

My life changed dramatically the first time when I was 8 years old. My dad suffered horrific head and leg injuries in a car accident. He should have died. Thirty three years later he is still around — battling, but around!

Life took another major turn when I had a biopsy on my breast after some initial scans in October. I knew something was wrong there and then when the radiologist called for extra scans followed by the biopsy.

My instincts were confirmed whey my GP brought forward my appointment – the appointment where I was going to be told the results of the biopsy. And she made sure Ross would be there with me.

That day I was officially told I had breast cancer. That day was Tuesday, October 14.

Three days later I was in the office of a surgeon who told me I would face chemotherapy first before surgery. That floored me.

Now I’m facing my last sleep before I sit in a hospital while they load me up with poison (chemotherapy drugs) to try to kill off this cancer as much as possible.

Tonight I sit in fear of my boobs. Those things that I buy nice bras for – those things I buy supportive sports bras for – those things I base buying bathers around. Those things that nourished my newborn babies.

They are currently trying to kill me.

Any affection I had for them has turned into fear. Fear that they will claim my life way too early. Too early for me to see my children grow up and have children of their own.

But that’s why I will fight and fight hard. That’s why I’ll endure a clinical trial that requires me to have even more needles. That’s why I’ll endure hours of scary, unknown, time-sapping chemo.

My mum tackled an ultimately life-ending brain tumour with incredible strength and humour. Strength I sometimes wish I didn’t have and humour I’m sure others wish sometimes I didn’t have! I wish she was here to hold my hand and help get me through this but she’s not.

All I have is her inherited fight and sheer determination to not let this affect my children as much as possible and to get me out the other side where I will live for many, many years yet!

Let’s do this!