The stress of Christmas seems to be keeping me sane!
Sounds odd I know, but the more I worry about getting my kids presents they want (because they don’t really need anything), sending Christmas cards to family in the Eastern States (sorry but I haven’t done those yet) and what is on the Christmas Day menu (veggies or salad), the less I think about the next chapter in this “shit fight” (ie: I dislike the word journey immensely).
The next chapter involves about half a day lying on a cold, hard operating table while two surgeons take more then give more!
In the second last week of January I will have a second mastectomy (surgeon number 1) and then the first stage of my breast reconstruction (on both sides with surgeon number 2).
Without going into too much detail, a quote from surgeon number 2 sums it up:
“It will be hell! But you’ve been there already so you know you can handle it!”
We’ll soon find out.
There was a story in The West Australian this week about breast reconstruction and why women chose to have it or to live without.
Everyone’s choice is personal and based on many, many factors. It’s not an easy choice — especially after you meet with the surgeon who talks you step-by-step through what he is going to do to you!
Reconstruction is not necessary, I don’t have to have it done. But I want to.
Like growing my hair out! People have been very kind and complimented me recently on my hair and saying that short hair suits me. But I like long hair and I miss my ponytail! That may be a bit sad for a 42-year-old but it’s how I feel!
Same with the reconstruction. Growing my hair out and getting new boobs will go a long way to helping me feel like myself again — well as close to as possible. Me, my family and friends have endured a lot of emotional and physical upheaval in this past year there have been many things out of our control.
Growing my hair back and going under the knife to rebuild are in my control — and I would like some control back.
I lost a bit of control a few months ago when an infection in my scar reared it’s head. It was the first real setback I’ve had in my treatment.
In another first for me, I faced day surgery and ‘twilight’ sedation. It all went really well and it was just an infection and nothing more sinister — the worst part was the pain of the anaesthetic being pushed into my blood stream.
Seriously, after everything I have been through in the past 12 months, including seven months worth of chemotherapy, I have never felt pain like that.
It burnt and, while I can normally contain my displeasure and hide any signs of pain, this time I couldn’t.
After struggling to put the canular in and reminding me about my small veins, the anaesthesist said “this will sting a bit” A BIT!!!!! It bloody hurt. Even though it lasted all of about three seconds before I was off with the fairies, that memory will stay with me for a long time!
The focus for the next six weeks is to celebrate another Christmas with my gorgeous family and to strip life back to the important stuff — spending time together and creating memories (and taking photos, which I do a lot of and my family will appreciate one day)!
Merry Christmas everyone xxx